4 beliefs that held me back as a new manager in the tech world and kept me playing small too long.
How changing my mind got me out of my own way
In 2014 I was offered the chance of a lifetime — to feel like an incompetent, spineless, lonely phoney — and I went all in.
I became an Engineering Manager at Google in NYC. And that’s when I created my own hell. So if you too want a promotion, and want to not feel like crap, get out of your own way by ditching your beliefs about your job.
Here’s what I felt about 4 mistaken beliefs around leadership, and what I now know to be true.
#1: It’s my job to motivate people so I need to be charismatic,
"I feel incompetent"
Wrong and unhelpful.
That’s not your job. When people in creative work connect with autonomy, mastery and purpose they will motivate themselves. That internal motivation is far more powerful than any external motivation you can provide. Your job is to help folks connect with purpose and support opportunities for development.
Model this by talking about your purpose and continue your own learning.
#2: I don’t want to make people feel unhappy or upset — good managers don’t do that
"I feel cowardly"
Withholding the truth is the same as telling lies.
When you withhold information that someone needs to to make improvements, how does that empower them? Avoiding conversations that you find uncomfortable denies people their agency. How does your notion of being a good manager fit with being a manager who lies and denies people opportunity?
I had my hardest lesson in tough love when I walked in to this one.
#3: I’m supposed to know how to lead. If I ask questions they’ll know I can’t do it
"I feel lonely"
Impression management is easy.
Don’t want to look dumb? Easy — don’t ask questions. Is it really possible that everyone but you took the class?
Building a support network is the single most important task you have.
#4: I have to act like a leader, not like myself
"I feel phoney"
News flash! They gave you the job, not the other person.
You already got permission to be you — it’s you they want. It’s your brilliant you-ness that seems like magic to them. Bring that. If not now, when?
Bring all of you — not just a little piece of you.
